Temper Tantrums

This information is about temper tantrums in toddlers and preschoolers. You’ll find out why tantrums occur and what’s the best way to handle them.

Almost everyone with young children has seen a tantrum. The sight of a youngster totally out of control — screaming, crying, and maybe banging his feet on the ground or her head against the wall — is totally upsetting for most of us. But with some understanding of what might be going through the child’s mind, we can often help make the situation better.

Usually tantrums begin sometime after the child’s first birthday. This is when children start to have minds of their own and to have very strong ideas about the way they want things to be. They also begin to want to make their own decisions and to do things for themselves. Often this leads to frustration on the part of both the child and the parent.

In order to encourage your toddler’s independence, let your child do as many things for himself as he possibly can. Let him make many choices during the day, but at this age always offer only two alternatives. Otherwise the child may choose something you wont allow. Would he like cereal or toast for breakfast? Would he like his sandals or his sneakers? Bath now or at bedtime? This may help him gain a sense of power over at least some aspects of his life.

When you sense a confrontation is brewing, do some quick thinking. Is it worth fighting over? The parent whose baby is grabbing the spoon or who wants to wear a dirty shirt to preschool has a decision to make. You decide immediately to either let the toddler have it his way before the tantrum starts. Or, on this issue, tell the child is goingto have to do it your way.

Inevitably, the toddler will not want to sit in the car seat some day. This is a case over which the child can have no control. You must win this argument for the safety of the child.

Don’t change your mind. Once you decide that your mind is made up, it’s very important not to give in when the tantrum begins. If you do, this child will quickly learnto have tantrums whenever things aren’t going his way.

Once the tantrum is in full swing, take a deep breath and try not to worry.

Some parents feel comfortable ignoring their children when they have tantrums, either by leaving the room or by putting the child in his crib. Others feel more comfortable hugging or holding the child through the tantrum. Either way is fine. There’s no need to punish or criticize and, if possible, you should avoid getting angry.

Your firm conviction that you are doing the right thing, and you’re sticking to the idea that throwing a tantrum will never get a child what he wants, will communicate love respect. Limits are reassuring to a small child, and make him feel safe and protected.

Tantrums will not go away overnight, but they should gradually become less frequent as the child gets older. If your child is beyond kindergarten and is still having a significant problem in this area, talk to your pediatric provider. And if you feel thetantrums are making you feel so angry and upset that your relationship with your child or with your partner is suffering, tell your pediatrician. Your pediatrician can refer you to a counselor or parenting group which may help you.

Remember these key points:

• Tantrums are a normal part of the development of young children.
• They are a way of expressing their lack power and frustration.
• And when they are handled with love and firmness, they should not create a major problem for the child or family.