Talking With Kids About Sex

This information is about talking with kids about sex. It covers typical questions small children ask and how to deal with them.

First of all, remember that curiosity about sex is perfectly natural; it’s part of children’s eagerness to learn about the whole, new, wonderful world around them. Some parents may be surprised or even shocked by what young children ask, say, and do about sex.

Although they think it’s wonderful when babies discover fingers and toes, but they think touching sex parts is “bad.” It’s all right to be curious about weather and stars, but some parents think it’s “wrong” whenchildren are curious about their bodies and those of other children. But there is nothing bad or wrong about a young child’s questions about sex.

Secondly, answer only the questions your child asks — no more and no less. Remember the old story about the little child who asked, “Where did I come from?” The parent went into a long explanation, including drawings: and then said, “Does that answer your question?” And the child replied, “No. You see, my friend Billy comes from Chicago. Where do I come from?”

Some of your child’s questions may seem a bit strange, because sex is a mysterious subject and children pick up information in bits and pieces — some of them wrong. Here are some simple facts that your child may want to know: Only women have babies, not men or children. The stork does not bring babies. Babies grow to full size from two cells the size of a tiny dot.

A baby grows inside the mother — not in her stomach where the food is, but in a special place made for the baby called the uterus. A baby comes out through a special opening called the vagina. Everybody has (or has had) a mother and father. Boys and girls are different. They are made exactly the way they should be.

Questions about what the father does, about menstruation and intercourse, and about other complicated subjects generally come later.

When your child asks questions about sex, answer them simply, honestly, and directly. Don’t put children off by saying you’re too busy or they’re too young to know about such things.

In addition to asking about sex, children between the ages of two and six sometimes touch or play with their genitals. This too is perfectly normal and natural. Usually, they do it because they have an idle moment and it feels good, or because they have to go to the bathroom. If they do it more often than you are comfortable with, consult your pediatrician. Otherwise, toys, games, play, and talking to the child are healthy substitutes.

But don’t tell children that they’ll hurt themselves or that they’re bad. Don’t tell them that you won’t love them any more; or slap or tie their hands. The real harm that occurs when a young child is made to feel guilty, ashamed, or frightened when he or she is only doing what comes naturally. So if your child masturbates, but seems happy and has many other interests, try to involve the child in something else, but don’t make a big fuss about it. You can also tell your child its OK to do, but only in private.

Finally, remember that getting children off to a healthy start in their attitude toward sex is more difficult for parents who think there is something shameful about it. Some parents may not know or be afraid to use the correct words for body parts and functions.

Please remember these key points:

• Small children’s interest in sex is perfectly natural.
• Answer their questions simply, directly, and without embarrassment — but don’t answer questions they haven’t asked.